okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
