Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
