The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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