Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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