oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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