You really coming over, don't trick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
