I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
