he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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