I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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