Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
