I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Someone came in the potted fern
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
