I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
