Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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