AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
