Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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