You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
