I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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