Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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