he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
