just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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