Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
