We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
