i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
