I just pynch a tree in the face
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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