Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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