I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
