I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
