Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
