Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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