Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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