the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
