Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
