I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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