Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
