Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
