if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
