Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
