i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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