Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Say something about gay babies.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
