best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
