Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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