Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
