Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
