I didn't shave. On purpose
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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