is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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