can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
