Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
