I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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