A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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