Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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